Saturday, December 30, 2006

Auspex la maxim

In liceu vorbeam mult de natura umana. De proportiile exacte ale personalitatii si mastii. Sub si Supra eul. Vorbeam in termeni pretentiosi de care nu aveam habar si impresionam lumea. Vorbeam de Masti. Sacrificii. Nevoi si dorinte. Niveluri ale profunzimii emotionale. Intelegerea celuilalt. Eram un Levinas de balta.

Nimic nu s-a schimbat. Doar ca acum imi dau seama de asta si inteleg unde greseam. Incerc mai mult.

Incerc mai mult? E mai bine?

Am ajuns la concluzia ca e degeaba. Analiza psihologica n-are rost. Nu poti citi pe cineva destul niciodata. Cineva ti se poate dezvalui. Maya Desnuda a spiritului cu tot ce e frumos si mai ales cu ce nu e.


Nu merge. O sa fie intotdeauna bucatica aia din self pe care nu o poti atinge. Alteritatea e un moft, cum ar spune tov. Ilici.

Ce poti spera? Sa intelegi ceva din celalalt in deplina cunostinta de cauza: nu ai cum sa il cunosti.
Psihoistorie? Perhaps.

Poti intelege actiuni, gesturi pozitii ale corpului poti prinde fluxul emotional dintre doua persoane care se plac. Dar nu le vei intelege.

Failure becomes us.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

The gauntlet...

1. Are you male or female?
... waiting f0r the worms to come
2.Describe yourself:
... And the Gods Made Love
3.How do you feel about yourself?
... an open relationship
4.Describe where you currently live:
... vine pupaza si spune ...
5.If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
... where the deer and the antelope play classlessly
6.Your best friend is:
... a tuber, and says loads about me
7.Your favorite colour is:
... not-so-Prussian blue [red if it's on a flagpost]
8.You know that:
... liberal is polite for 'mediocre'
9.What's the weather like?
Hell - Come on down!
10.If your life was a television show, what would it be called?
"Ride the Lightning - Tales of Whiskey on the Jar"
11.What is life to you?
... my only friend, The End
12.What is the best advice you have to give?
"Invatati, invatati, invatati!"
13.If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Craciun, Bucuresti, Europa

In noaptea de Craciun a nins. Cu o seara Inainte nu s-a auzit nici o pocnitoare. Colindatorilor li se scurg ochii de la frig si in loc de gheata pe jos e noroi. in cateva zile intram in Uniunea Europeana. Tiganii trec cu un simulacru de capra pe strada pe langa mine numarandu-si monedele de 0.5 si hartiile de 50. Pe strada a aparut peste noapte un ziggurat de aluminiu pe care scrie mare Romtelecom Broadband. Langa el parcat, un mertan cu iconita pe bord si o mare cruce aurie de plastic atarnata de retrovizoare. B 73 GKU. Gicu.

Romania se schimba si ramane la fel. Pe Lizeanu niste minoritari au improvizat intr-o casa aproape daramata o soba. Cosul evacueaza fumul la nivelul urechilor mele. Daca eram un pic mai inalt as fi primit o gura de aer romanesc in ajun european.
Zece metri mai in fata o cladire noua de otel si sticla se ridica langa un punct de colectat "stcle". Benzinarie noua langa vulcanizare veche. Vila langa cocioaba. RSR, UE.
Pe strada mea, tacere si intuneric. Ajun, Masinile adventistilor de vaza parcate in fata bisericii, rablele ruginind in fata Chop-shop-ului. Casele se inalta, cocioabele cad. Europa se deschide.

De Craciun strazile sunt pustii. Oricine e cineva e in Tunisia sau Maroc. Restul sunt la munte. Cei cativa ramasi in urma au orasul doar pentru ei. Il impart cu politia. Pentru Moment. Exodul se termina. Revelionul vine rapid din urma cu torente de multime, potop de romani in piata Universitatii. Basescu va face o baie de multime, Becali va da niste bani cui stie crezul, Geoana va face ceva dar nu va tine nimeni minte ce. Se vor canta colinde. Se vor canta manele. Se va intona imnul Romaniei. Din loc in loc Guta va fi inlocuit de Beethoven. Nu se va da cu petarde ca se pedepseste prin lege.

Quid est veritas? Va fi Integrare? Tinerete fara batranete? viata fara de moarte termica? Cadouri, Bucurie? taxe, scumpiri? O sa moara economia, o sa devenim tara bananiera? Integrare europeana? Dezintegrare nationala? Globalizare, Incalzire Globala? o sa ne fure ai' reacu da bozgori transilvania? o sa instaureze vadim/becali al patrulea reich, unul, asa, mioritic? Time will tell. Carepe diem mes amis. And happy kwanzaa.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Di Lan, Di Tati

Tagged by ivanel pe eternul 360. Rules of engagement: alegi o formatie sau cantautor si raspunzi la urmatoarele doar cu titluri de melodii de la impricinat. As lame as tags are parca nu le poti rezista asa ca intr-un moment de respiro nocturn here goes nothing....

1. Are you male or female?
2.Describe yourself:
3.How do you feel about yourself?
4.Describe where you currently live:

5.If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
6.Your best friend is:
7.Your favorite colour is:
8.You know that:
9.What's the weather like?
10.If your life was a television show, what would it be called?
11.What is life to you?
12.What is the best advice you have to give?
13.If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

Deci, Cu Bobert inainte:

1. Are you male or female?

Man of Constant Sorrow

Describe yourself:

3.How do you feel about yourself?
Man of peace

4.Describe where you currently live:
Maggie's Farm

5.If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
All along the Watchtower

6.Your best friend is:
I and I

7.Your favorite colour is:
Tangled up in BLUE

8.You know that:
One of us must know (sooner or later)

9.What's the weather like?

10.If your life was a television show, what would it be called?
Ballad of a Thin Man

11.What is life to you?
Ugliest girl in the world

12.What is the best advice you have to give?
Don't think twice, it's all right

13.If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Queen Jane Aproximately

Acum observ ca am mai fost taguit undeva, din nou pe y360, si doamne fereste sa fac ceva util noaptea (cum ar fi chiar motivul nedormirii) asa ca:

1. Grab the NEAREST book.
2. Open it to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that cool or intellectual book in your bookshelves.

Tag-ul asta o sa fie scurt. Dupa o masuratoare cu ruleta, la 42 de cm de mine se afla Prospero's Cell De Lawrence Durell, o carte cu si despre Corfu din seria Insulelor lui Durell,


Coming over the crest of the Hill behind Kastellani we see that a dance is in progress. From the grassy glades below, the shadow of the olive tree is broken by clouds of dust and the afternoon silence by the terrific giggling of donkeys - like pantomime comedians. Smoke from the fires, upon which whole kids are turning upon spits, rizes lazily. Through the hum of human voices one can hear the scratch and squeak of the violin and guitars and the hollow beat of the drum, resonant and vulgar as a full stomach struck with the palm of the hand.

A doua carte era Papillon iar in opusa directie la doar 10 cm in plus Catch-22 de Heller si Plato cu the Republic. Prospero fu sa fie.

Din ciclul sa sufere si altii, il aleg pe amicul meu marxist d-acilea precum si pe mandra Maria ca tot a zis ca uraste ceste chestionare.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Matrioska I

"I am the great white hunter, conqueror of the west. I am the Winchester wielding, Chevy driving king of the world.

She screeched to a halt in the middle of the night, a lone driver in the middle of a lonely night.
She walked into my store like she owned it, a cigerette pressed between her lips sunglasses on her face even in the dead of night.
Her arrogance alone would have brought the wrath of the Lord upon her, were she not so beautiful, were she not angelic.
Oh, and that she was. She was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen, an angel walking the face of the earth. Dressed in white. Pristine.
She smiles at me and I begin to melt like icecream left out in the sun. She asks me for the restroom in a voice as soft as velvet but I can barely hear her under the thumping of my heart. I point it out, between shards of fantasy and dreams and nearly faint as i catch a whiff of her perfume.
I am in love.
She enters the toilet in the back of the store and Jeremy loses it. Jeremy has no self control. I panic as I feel him guiding my hand towards the axe. He picks it up and swings it over my shoulder. We walk to the bathroom. She is beauty incarnate, do not do this to her, Jeremy. Please, I beg of you.. there are others... please Jeremy. Just forget this one... For our sake...
For a second i feel him struggling. He also has his doubts, I know that. I can control him.
But then he hears her flushing. His animal instincts take over and i can't do anything for her anymore.

It was over in a heartbeat. The axe split her head in half, her beautiful features covered in blood, her white suit soaked in red. Jeremy smiled. God had told him to kill the whore he says. he lichs his bloodied fingers and tells me we have to clean up. The feast of flesh can wait, he says. Jeremy scares me sometimes. God scares me.

I hate being evil. I sometimes wish I was normal. Jeremy threatens to hurt me then. Jeremy Needs me. The Lord needs me. I am the Great white hunter, conqueror of the west.

Lying there, in her pool of blood, she looks like a fallen angel."

"At this point the tip of the pencil broke off That's how intense writing this was... "
"That must have taken a lot of pain to write, Darkus"
"Totally, all the pain i felt this entire month, all distilled in this page of dark thoughts"
"You are sooo dark, Darkus"
"I know, Scabia, pain is... a mind opener. You just need enough."

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

The Nicotine Patch

"Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man." [Matthew 15:10-11]

Si cu epiderma ce facem dar?
Iata pacatul fumatului, redus la esenta lui primara. Dregandu-ne dorul neostoit de paradisuri artificiale prin diluarea sa din ce in ce mai mare, radacina viciului totusi ramane. In speranta ca scapam de pacatul distrugerii trupului nostru prin nicotinizare, ne amagim si ne otravim cu plasturi care, vanduti fiind cu titlu de leac, ajuta la perpetuarea raului; o, cumplita slabiciune omeneasca! Caci prin ce prelungim agonia caderii noastre, daca nu prin nicotina cutanata? Cum sunt mrejele viciului mai slabite, daca prin trei-patru plasturi care au intru ei asa-zisa scapare ajungem de unde am plecat, inglodati in mlastina neputintei noastre? Numai libera noastra constiinta ne poate scapa de fumat! Can i get an A-men? Can i get a Hallelujah?

Si daca ar fi vorba de iubita noastra Prostie in loc de nicotina?
O mai veche obsesie revine pe tapet. (Sau mai bine zis nu revine, caci e doamna mare si clasica pe deasupra.) Asadar ganditi-va doar ce ar fi daca in comert am gasi, ca sa ne dezvete de tampenia maladiva, Stupidity Patches [TM] ? Cumparate pe ascuns si cu rusine inocenta de cei care sau descotorosit de mandrie si acum vor sa faca asijderea si cu slabiciunea mintii, aplicate ca vaccin pe intreaga suprafata a scalpului (cat mai multe deodata, ca sa fie!), vor oferi pentru scurt timp, printr-un efect placebo, iluzia vindecarii. Apoi, intrand intr-un sevraj al tampeniei, temerarul utilizator isi mai pune un rand, inca unul si inca unul.
La fel ca si cu fumatul, trebuie vointa multa.
Ca e pacat...

Ma Viseaza Femeile

O prietena imi spune pe Messenger ca m-a visat.
reactia mea e bineinteles: "oooh, kinky"

Apoi , povestea mi se dezvaluie devoid of any kinkyness.
Ea era intr-o cladire inalta, cu sali mari, pe scurt o facultate (atata timp cat nu se cheama FSPUB, unde Amfiteatrul e cat o baie de McDonalds). Si acolo pe podium stateam EU tinandu-i EI o prelegere despre Kant in stilul superior, holier-than-thou al pastorilor si reverenzilor revivalisti americani.
Apoi, am trecut la interogatoriu si visul ia turnura de cosmar. Ca intr-un episod din Dexter din copilaria mea salbatica Avatarul meu incepe sa turmenteze fata, intreband-o filozofie pe un ton amenintator. Un munte metafizic de rau in stare primara. Ea in spirit pur freudian nu isi aminteste nimic iar eu, eu precum Hamlet I turn her eyes into her very soul:

"O, speak to me no more;
These words, like daggers, enter in mine ears;
No more, sweet Hamlet!"

Incetul cu incetul uita totul pana nu isi mai aminteste nimic, nici macar propriul nume. Memoria ii dispare ca Bush in perioade de criza nationala. Iar EU o astept sa iasa din intuneric, pentru a o putea impinge la loc in ignoranta. Etern. Intunecat. Cthulhu.

Apoi ea se trezeste si isi aminteste ca are de dat CPE-ul in cateva zile. Ma injura scurt si deschide Michael Vince.

Nu e chiar ce speram dar e un inceput... Ladies, dream a little dream of me >:)...

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Of Man And Woman

Prologue: The Age Of Aquarius?

When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars
This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius
The age of Aquarius

First Movement: A man of constant sorrow

I am a man of constant sorrow
I've seen trouble all my days
I'll say goodbye to Colorado
Where I was born and partly raised.

I smile when I'm angry.
I cheat and I lie.
I do what I have to do
To get by.
But I know what is wrong,
And I know what is right.
And I'd die for the truth
In My Secret Life.

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very
mad world

Standing on the gallows with my head in a noose
Any minute now I'm expecting all hell to break loose
People are crazy and times are strange
I'm locked in tight, I'm out of range
I used to care, but things have changed
Mr. Jinx and Miss Lucy, they jumped in the lake
I'm not that eager to make a mistake

I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul
Where I'll end up, well I think only God really knows

Second Movement: Espresso Love

A lovestruck Romeo sings a streetsuss serenade
Laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
Finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
Says something like you and me babe how about it?

In a screaming ring of faces I seen her standing in the light
She had a ticket for the races just like me she was a victim of the night
I put my hand upon the lever said let it rock and let it roll
I had the one arm bandit fever there was an arrow through my heart and my soul
And the big wheel keep on turning neon burning up above
And I'm just high on the world
Come on and take a low ride with me girl
On the tunnel of love

Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs 'round these velvet rims
and strap your hands across my engines
Together we could break this trap
We'll run till we drop, baby we'll never go back
Will you walk with me out on the wire
`Cause baby I'm just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if love is wild
girl I want to know if love is real

Let's fall in love
Why shouldn't we fall in love
Our hearts are made of it, let's take a chance
Why be afraid of it
Let's close our eyes
And make our own paradise
Little we know of it, still we can try
To make a go of it

I'm walking, walking on air
For I've left all my blue days behind me
I've learned how to care (yes, yes!)
And there's love, really love on my mind
I'm the world's most happy creature,
Tell me, what can worry me?
I'm crazy 'bout my baby,
Baby's crazy 'bout me!

Well, I woke up in the morning
There's frogs inside my socks
Your mama, she's a-hidin'
Inside the icebox
Your daddy walks in wearin'
A Napoleon Bonaparte mask
Then you ask why I don't live here
Honey, do you have to ask?

Met a girl, thought she was grand
fell in love, found out first hand
went well for a week or two
then it all came unglued
in a trapp trip I can't grip
never thought I'd be the one who'd slip
then I started to realize
I was living one big lie

Day after day, love turns grey
Like the skin of a dying man.
Night after night, we pretend its all right
But I have grown older and
You have grown colder and
Nothing is very much fun any more.
And I can feel one of my turns coming on.
I feel cold as a razor blade,
Tight as a tourniquet,
Dry as a funeral drum.

So run here baby, put your little hands in mine
I've got something to tell you, I know you're gonna change your mind
When things go wrong, so wrong with you
It hurts me too

But baby Since I've Been Loving You
I'm about to lose my worried mind.

I was never faithful
And I was never one to trust
Borderlining schizo
And guaranteed to cause a fuss
I was never loyal
Except to my own pleasure zone
I'm forever black-eyed
A product of a broken home

I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road, babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But goodbye's too good a word, gal
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

The last that ever she saw him,
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.
He passed on worried and warning,
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.
Lost in a riddle that Saturday night,
Far away on the other side.

Third Movement: Wendy Laments

Love of my life you've hurt me
You've broken my heart and now you leave me
Love of my life can't you see
Bring it back bring it back
Don't take it away from me
Because you don't know
What it means to me

I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no
And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I play that old six-string
I think about ya wonder what went wrong

An angel's smile is what you sell
You promise me heaven then put me through hell
Chains of love, got a hold on me
When passion's a prison you can't break free
You're a loaded gun ... yeah
There's nowhere to run
No-one can save me, the damage is done
Shot through the heart, and your to blame
You give love a bad name

This pain in my stomach
Won't go away
I assume this is punishment
For the mistakes I've made
In a world where my actions
Speak louder than words
I know people than could ever be
What lesson I've learned from it all
Fortune and fame are disguised as your friend
Cause I'm lonlier now than I've ever been

She can see him on the jetty where they used to go
She can feel him in the places where the sailors go
When she's walking by the river and the railway line
She can still hear him whisper
Let's go down to the waterline

When I read the letter you wrote, it made me mad mad mad
When I read the news that it brought me
It made me sad sad sad, But I still love you so
I can't let you go, I love you- ooh baby I love you.


The trees that whisper in the evening,
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.
Sing a song of sorrow and grieving,
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.
All she saw was a silhouette of a gun,
Far away on the other side.
He was shot six times by a man on the run
And she couldn't find how to push through.

Epilogue: The Future?

Give me back my broken night
my mirrored room, my secret life
it's lonely here,
there's no one left to torture
Give me absolute control
over every living soul
And lie beside me, baby,
that's an order!
Give me crack and anal sex
Take the only tree that's left
and stuff it up the hole
in your culture
Give me back the Berlin wall
give me Stalin and St Paul
I've seen the future, brother:
it is murder.